Energy

Over the past several weeks I've been feeling an energy within me, a yearning of some sort for a stronger purpose in my life. I don't consider myself a particularly religious person but I feel like this is the type of situation that would drive others back to God. I don't know if that's what I'm looking for but I do feel like I'm searching for something. (perhaps a green card?)

I don't want to get into this too much here - I'm not comfortable discussing my religious beliefs publicly - but suffice it to say I think I'm feeling all the prayers being directed our way. We've had so many people tell us that they're praying for us - both loved ones and people we barely know from Ibis' hotel - that I think that energy has found its way to me. If you are one of those praying for us, thank you.

I think I mentioned I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm almost two-thirds of the way through it and it's continuing to affect me. Reading about her search for enlightenment is only adding to this feeling I'm already experiencing.

Right now she's just wrapping up her several month long stay at an Ashram in India and her attempt to take an oath of silence failed when she was assigned the hostess of incoming retreats. Following is a passage I have to share because it describes my thoughts exactly:

This doesn't mean I cannot be devout. It doesn't mean I can't be thoroughly tumbled and humbled with God's love. This does not mean I cannot serve humanity. It doesn't mean I can't improve myself as a human being, honing my virtues and working daily to minimize my vices. For instance, I'm never going to be a wallflower, but that doesn't mean I can't take a serious look at my talking habits and alter some aspects for the better – working within my personality. Yes, I like talking, but perhaps I don't have to curse so much, and perhaps I don't always have to go for the cheap laugh, and maybe I don't need to talk about myself quite so constantly. Or here's a radical concept – maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting, I can't find another way to see it than this: "I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying." And I can't find another way to see that than: "I believe that I am more important than you." And that must end.

I know that if I can get through these next two weeks and keep my sanity a lot of these questions will answer themselves. I think I'm purposely taking my time with this book because I don't want it to end; I want it to hold my hand until we get the verdict on our future.