Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Almost Three Sheets to the Wind

It's only two sheets right now, but give it another day or so…

A couple weeks ago I had a big mending project on my hands, but I didn't mention it to many people because it can be easily misinterpreted. You see, we've ripped our sheet. Nearly in half.

Yes, the one that goes on top.

(Pauses for jokes about wedding sheets and well-placed openings. Got that out of your system? Not yet. Okay, I can wait another minute.)

That's why I haven't mentioned this sooner.

We don't have a blanket or comforter on the bed so the sheet… (you know, there's really no good way to say this) … sees a lot of action / takes a lot of abuse / has a lot of wear and tear. The rip started out innocently enough -- just a couple inches with a couple smaller tears alongside it -- but it grew to over a foot in one night. That's when I decided to take action. I don't have a sewing machine and while I don't normally mend on such a large scale, it's still more or less the same stitch.

Well, the fix lasted a couple days, and now it's almost four feet long. Most mornings I wake up with my leg through the tear and my half of the sheet twisted through the opening. I think this is why sheets don't have openings. Very inconvenient.

As luck would have it I'm going home in a couple weeks so I plan to buy new ones then. I could get them here, but we don't have a lot of stores to choose from so our options are limited. The ones we've found are fairly expensive and usually quite scratchy. So we need to make this one last two more weeks. (Actually, Ibis needs to make it last another month. Sorry honey.)

I'm about to just cut it all the way so we have a his & hers set. No more fighting over the sheet! Actually, it's been so hot I've been sleeping on top of the covers anyway, which is how I think it tore in the first place.

So, where did the phrase "three sheets to the wind" originate?

16 comments:

LurkerMonkey said...

Gar, here's my totally uneducated guess on where "three sheets to the wind" came from. It's got to be a sailor's term, used to describe a boat that's wobbling uncertainly because it has only three sheets (e.g., sails) to the wind. So they must have started using the term to describe drunk sailors, who also wobbled like an underpowered ship sailing into the wind.

Melanie Avila said...

I think that sounds accurate, and if two of us agree, it must be true. ;)

My imagination decided it came from drunk husbands wandering through the sheets hanging outside to dry.

Janna Qualman said...

I like LurkerMonkey's explanation. LOL!

Who knew sheets could take such a licking?

JLC said...

There are several thoughts about the origin of that term. Some say it is the sails. Others say it is the ties 'sheets' that keep the sails attached.

Either way... (giggles) Maybe you outta buy some vinyl sheets! Perhaps something in a wild animal print.

EriCan said...

Lurker- I agree, that sounds like a good answer. JLC- LOL at vinyl sheets.

It's interesting how you took this whole post to "three sheets to the wind." It's almost as if you were writing a flash fiction post... :)

I say cut it down the half, his or hers sounds good to me. I hate trying to yank it in the middle of the night with a large weight- err- three large weights (kitties included) keeping you from getting it!

Stephen Parrish said...

Hang in there, Mel.

Melanie Avila said...

Janna, I was very surprised. They're nice sheets, and ironically, one of the sets we got for our wedding.

Melanie Avila said...

JLC, can you even IMAGINE how hot vinyl would be. Holy crap! It's bad enough on cotton!

Melanie Avila said...

Erica, I may cut them later today. I definitely need to before I wash them next or who knows what kind of mess I'll find in the washing machine.

I rarely have much trouble fighting for the covers -- he responds pretty well to a elbow nudge.

Melanie Avila said...

Stephen, we're doing our best. ;)

Natasha Fondren said...

ROFL! Aww, that's hilarious! I like Jon's explanation.

Where I housesit, they have these 100% organic cotton sheets that are TO DIE FOR.

Nadine said...

Okay, this is funny because we really do have a lot in common. The same thing happened to us in January, but with the bottom sheet. So we kept the white top sheet and now have a bottom sheet that has orange and brown flowers on it.

They don't match, but I figure the only people who see our sheets are us and we don't mind.

I liked the idea of the his and her's sheets! Cut away!!

Melanie Avila said...

Natasha, that sounds lovely! These aren't super luxurious, but they are nice. And very soft. And purple. :)

Melanie Avila said...

Nadine, that's hilarious! I went through a phase in college where I purposely mixed & matched my sheets, so I had a dark blue bottom and white top, that sort of thing.

I love the idea of orange and brown flowers with a white sheet. I supposed I'll have to consider what Ibis likes when I buy new ones.

Robin said...

That's hilarious! I agree with the cut idea, too!

When the boys were little, we were all in our bed, and Adam, all 6'2" of him, and the boys started jumping on the bed to make me laugh. The bed broke, and I asked a friend to come over and make a new slat to replace the broken one. I explained what happened, and he kept saying, "Sure, Robin. Right. Sure."

Melanie Avila said...

Robin, that reminds me...

That's too funny about them jumping on the bed!