Elbows

Can we discuss elbows for a moment? I understand their importance. Without them we'd have three-foot long, unbending appendages sticking our from our shoulders. Eating (among other things) would be much more difficult. Typing would require binoculars because we'd have to sit much further away from the monitor. Standard font sizes would have to be bigger. The mouse might be finger operated.

I could do this all day.

My complaint with my elbows is lately they seem obsessed with rushing up and greeting every pointy, sharp or really hard surface that I encounter. I've hit my funny bone at least three times in the past week. This morning I cracked one elbow on the corner of the medicine cabinet mirror, then an hour later drilled the other into the edge of the washing machine.

This wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't already have two chipped elbows. Not like chipped-beef, that's just gross. Mine still look whole but each has a small bit of bone where it shouldn't be. The first incident occurred during my first game of roller hockey. I hadn't figured out how to stop without that annoying pencil eraser brake on the back and slammed into a man much larger than me. My torso remained where it was but my legs shot out from under me and I landed on my hip, knee and elbow. I was wearing knee pads and my hips have natural padding, but my elbow didn't fare very well. (I fell down a flight of hard-wood stairs a couple days later, fortunately my elbow wasn't hurt worse.)

The second happened couple years later in the shower. Nothing exciting; I brought my arm down on the windowsill and it's never been the same since. And before you ask, I know. Why was there a window in the shower? I think it was the developers' way of increasing natural lighting. Whatever.

The only time the chipped elbows bother me is when I try to lean on anything. Countertops, bars, tables... that sort of thing. And when I run into pointy, sharp and really hard objects.

Ouch.