Que Vaya Bien

Please forgive my poetry, I know it's gauche to rhyme,
But I'm knee-deep in suitcases and running out of time.

I thought a poem'd be a nice tribute to end my blog
But then I got distracted and wrote a post for my dog.

So now this poem's not exactly what I had in mind,
I tried to hit the highlights and thought it'd be nice to find

Old posts to link to each stanza but, seriously? Uh, no.
So, now, without further ado, my Ode to Mexico:


I arrived in Mexico with my father by my side
My life back home was all packed up and I'd said my goodbyes.

I'd left Chicago mid-blizzard and marveled at the heat
It was even be warm enough to sleep without a sheet.

My eyes grew ever wider as I took in my new town,
I got out of the car and my whole world flipped upside-down.

Thirteen in-laws surrounded me with fourteen kids in tow,
But sadly not the mother-in-law who I barely got to know.

My breath came quick as my new family embraced me to their heart,
And they welcomed this pasty gringa without a second thought.

Despite the culture shock I tried my best to get along
And joined my sisters in the kitchen, pretending I belonged.

The water didn't take too long to get accustomed to,
You drink from bottles otherwise your tummy says "oh poo".

I quickly learned to bathe without a shower or tub,
I woke up to my first earthquake that made the locals shrug.

Ibis got food poisoning and we rushed to the ER,
I got stung by a jellyfish that left a three-inch scar.

A local dog that Ibis had adopted as his own
Was poisoned by a neighbor and we knew it was time to go.


We moved to Zihuatanejo, a fishing village on the coast
And jumped for joy at the running water (the thing I'd missed the most).

Little things about this place were different from back home
And each day brought surprises that we never could have known.

The helicopters overhead, machine guns in the street,
Their presence meant to reassure but making my heart beat.

The paper guys shouting 'bout the latest beheadings,
Music drifting through the air from the neighbors' weddings.

The lions that they drag through town to advertise the circus,
Megaphones on top of cars to announce things sure to shock us.

Some things seemed more natural than anything back home
And the relaxed nature soon seemed like the only thing I'd known.

Sure, I had my moments when I'd wish things weren't so slow,
But then I'd watch the sunrise and be glad I had nowhere to go.

In Mexico it's assumed that you'll be an hour or two late,
But no one gets upset—you kiss hello and grab a plate.

A funny thing is that most Mexicans are really short,
And for the first time in my life I'm considered average, not a dwarf.

I discovered that my DC driving skills prepared me well,
I can be speedracer and no one yells to go to hell.

On weekends the hotels put on cool fireworks displays
That we watch from our living room while wearing our pjs.

And then there's Owen—how could I not mention our little pup,
Who came into our lives the day we lost the King of Pop.


He filled a void that I was sure might never be replaced
And brought a joy into our lives that'll never be erased.

Despite this newfound happiness I still felt at a loss
And longed to live where I could rediscover my purpose.

I made a choice that's proved to be the hardest in my life—
I'm leaving Mexico without him whom makes me a wife.

Over the past month I've really tried to appreciate this town
And soak in all the things I'll miss when I am not around:

The trickling sound the cobblestones make when you drive atop the bricks,
Being surprised when I look outside and see a giant ship.

The fruit, the bread, the cheese, the fish,
The fish. Did I mention the fish?

The molé enchiladadas that my husband makes so well,
The frozen-fruit paletas you have to inhale before they melt.

Sunday nights in the plaza when we run into our friends,
That quiet calm in the evening when the music finally ends.

The early mornings as the sun's rays stretch across the sky,
The lazy days spent lounging in a hammock with my guy.

For he's the thing I'll miss the most when I say adios,
I have no words… right now this is the way our story goes.


Adios... Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Another "Last" and a Beginning

Remember my post last week where I was all jazzed to start the edits on After the Fall? Yeah, I haven't started those yet. I did, however, write a couple pages for my NEW, yet-to-be-properly-titled-or-talked-about-in-public, YA wip.

This is the first time I've been so aware of a character's voice right from the beginning, and I hope that means I won't have to spend a draft fixing voice issues (like I am now with ATF). I find it fairly easy to talk like a teenager, but I don't want THIS character to sound like the teenager in my other book, so I'm making the effort now.

Then I swear I'll get going on my edits.

In other news, Friday night Ibis and I went to dinner with my dad at our favorite restaurant, Il Mare. It's on a rocky outcrop between Playa Madera and Playa La Ropa and overlooks Zihuatanejo Bay. It's usually hit or miss whether or not we'll get a nice sunset, and we TOTALLY lucked out.


We went a little crazy taking pictures -- my dad's eyeballs were permanently locked in the back of his skull -- but how often do you get a backdrop like this? We joked that the people at the table next to us probably thought we were nuts, but then they started taking pictures too.

Now I can cross off "eat at Il Mare" AND "take fabulous sunset pictures with my sweetie."

Twelve Days Short of Three Years

You might want to grab a fresh cup of coffee for this one.

* waits *

Ibis and I have come to the difficult decision that it's best if I move back to Michigan. If you're a regular reader of this blog, I don't think I need to explain why, but the biggest reasons are the increasing violence and the whole not-having-money thing.

Owen and I will be flying into Chicago on February 23rd, then I'll drive my dad's van to my parents' house in Michigan, where I will become a cliché. Yes, I'm moving into their basement.

I'd rather not get into all the details on the internet, but I'm sure you have a couple obvious questions.

My Marriage
No, we are not getting divorced. We've talked about sending me back to the US to work for well over a year now and I've always resisted (again, for a lot of reasons I'd rather not get into).

A Job
No, I don't have a job yet, but I'm working on it. I've applied to one place (I know…) and I have a list of "industry" folks that I plan to contact. Michigan's economy is among the worst in the US, but that's where my family is.

The good thing is I no longer have the limitations I had by trying to work in Mexico or Canada. As an immigrant you are required work within your field of study -- for me, graphic design -- and there just aren't that many design positions in a struggling economy. Now if I want to wait tables or work at a bookstore (or both), I can.

I've also started writing for Demand Studios -- an online company that supplies articles for eHow, Livestrong, and several other website. I've already had two articles approved, and yes, I'm kicking myself for not doing this two years ago.

Ibis & The US
No, my being in the US will not change anything about Ibis getting into the country. He is facing a ten-year ban for unlawful presence and that ban will not be lifted. Period. The answer we received in September was regarding an extreme-hardship waiver that we filed on my behalf. Appealing that decision or reapplying will only waste more years and more money. He can reapply in seven years. Period.

Travel to Zihua
Yes, I still think it's safe to visit Zihuatanejo. In fact, my dad arrives today for two months and my brother will be here at the beginning of March.

True, the violence helped persuade me to leave, but the dangers I face are because I'm a local. (I'm going to generalize here, so bear with me.) When some locals see me -- a white American who doesn't work -- they assume I have money, or if I don't have money, my family does. After all, we're getting by somehow, right? That puts me in danger, especially when all around us people are struggling to survive. Burglaries and muggings have increased drastically since we moved here three years ago, and you can only avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time for so long.

If you've been here you know that the local police and government takes tourism very seriously and it's very rare for anything bad to happen IF YOU STICK TO THE TOURISTY areas. The Canadians who were shot in mid-January were on a deserted bike path. Another tourist was raped a couple days after that, but again, she was on a fairly isolated beach. (I don't know the details of that attack or I would tell you more.)

Yes, bad things happen, but that's not limited to Zihuatanejo or Mexico. I've decided I've had enough of this place, but that doesn't mean I'll never return to visit.

Okay, now everyone take a deep breath.


* inhales *


* waits for everyone to join in *


* turns blue *


Okay, seriously people. Take a deep breath.


* takes another deep breath but only pretends to hold it and breathes out my nose *


Because I'm leaving Mexico, this blog will no longer make sense. So… I have a new blog:

Hoosblog

Go check it out!

* waits *

What do you think? There are still a couple things I'd like to tweak, but for the most part, I'm happy with it. I decided to switch to Wordpress for a couple reasons, number one being I can still keep "melanieavila" as the name.

One question for you fellow Wordpress bloggers: is there a Followers button? I know I can see who's following me, but I like having it displayed on the main page.

A benefit I didn't anticipate is the extra pages Wordpress allows you to set up. As you can see (you looked, right?) I've essentially turned this into my writing/author/whatever website. Some of you may recall I have another website that also has my writing info on it. Well not anymore! I've changed that too:

Melanie Avila

* waits *

This site hasn't changed as much, but I've refreshed a couple things, including the About Me photo. Ibis and I had a mini photo shoot on the roof over the weekend. Didn't he do a great job?

But wait, there's more!

Because designing a five-page Wordpress blog and updating my design site weren't enough, I started yet another blog:

What Am I Doing in Michigan?

* waits with a big smile *

Eh? Eh? What do you think?

I feel bad retiring What Am I Doing in Mexico?, but not bad enough to stay. I'll continue posting here until I leave, then transition to Hoosblog once I get settled in Michigan. Once there, I'll keep this blog online, but I'll probably deactivate comments.

One last favor before I go: Will you please follow my new blogs? I'd really appreciate it. :)

* takes a big sip of coffee *

Things I Did Not Do While in the US for One Month That I Normally Do When I’m Home for Two Weeks

- Eat fast food
- Watch prime time television
- Keep up on gossip blogs
- Exercise
- Go clothes shopping
- Buy a crapload of previously-viewed DVDs
- Go to Spring Lake (where my parents live) (this was a first)
- Sleep in
- Play games with my sister (I do NOT understand how this didn’t happen)
- Feel an urge to leave
- Get sick of the weather (I loved it even when the temps dropped into single digits)


Things I DID Do That I Do Every Time I’m Home:

- Eat at my favorite restaurant, Café Iberico (this time with new friends)
- Eat at my favorite Thai restaurant, Opart
- Squeeze in a lunch at Panera (yes, this all revolves around food)
- Stock up on sunscreen (you wouldn’t BELIEVE how expensive it is in Zihua)
- Speak Spanish to everyone for the first couple days, especially little things like “Excuse me” and “No, thank you” that come out of my mouth automatically
- Talk to my sweetie via Skype
- Ooh and ahh at the tall buildings as if I'd never lived in Chicago
- Laugh and laugh and laugh with friends and family, and leave feeling like we didn’t have enough time together (although much more this trip than in trips past)
- Invade my brother’s apartment (formerly my apartment) for a couple days, then breeze out like I still own the place (half the stuff in there used to be ours!) (Thanks Brian!)


Things I did that I don’t normally do when I come home, but MAN how I would love to do them on all my future trips:

- Go to a Red Wings game at the Joe with my mom
- Get together with several writing friends (see laughing statement above)
- Get together with several middle school friends (see laughing statement above)
- Drive an hour in the middle of the night on icy roads after downing several cups of coffee so I would stay awake for said late-night drive home, then lie awake in bed unable to sleep, then just as I’m falling asleep receive a call from one of the friends I’d been with and talk for another half hour, during which time she realizes she’s locked out of her aunt’s house and we feel like we’re in middle school again (what? You didn’t sneak out in middle school? I swear it only happened a couple times)(I'm thinking this probably shouldn't be in this category, but the whole night was JUST SO FUN that it has to stay here)
- Get a netbook (okay, I don’t need a netbook on every trip, but you know what I’m saying…)
- Get an idea for a novel that has me really really excited (yes, it’s still just a premise, but I have high hopes)
- Bake and cook in an oven
- Talk with my aunts more than I have in YEARS
- Really get to know my grandmother
- Feel more useful and productive than I have in years


And thus ends my month of living...

You know? I can't think of the right word, but I'm grateful to have had the chance to do what I have and I only hope my actions will continue their positive ripple once I'm gone. Thank you to everyone who made it happen.

I Think I Missed My Calling

We're only four days into the new year and I think I've spent more time cleaning and organizing in these four days (well, really three) than I did all of last year. As you know, I'm staying with my grandmother while she recuperates from back surgery, and since I leave on Wednesday, she needs to be able to function on her own. That means lots of organizing.

It's really amazing how many things you can't do when you can't carry things. She needs a walker for the time being, which means she either needs to plan ahead and figure out where things need to be when there's another person to help, or carry it in the pink & purple bicycle basket I bought her.

(Is it bad that I get endless joy from the little girl basket? I didn't buy the bell and the streamers like I wanted to...)

She and my family keep thanking me for everything I've done, but I'm just happy to help. My family has gone above and beyond to help me over the past several (several? ugh) years, and to be able to give back gives makes me feel more fulfilled than I have in awhile. I just hope my grandmother still feels that way when she discovers just how many things I actually threw away.

In the meantime, let me know if you have a kitchen or bedroom that needs organized. For the low low price of a round-trip airline ticket and and an endless supply of red wine, I'm all yours.

It's the Future!

*adjusts robotic-sounding microphone*

Twenty-ten. Can you believe it? Ten years ago we thought the world would implode and our bank accounts would be wiped out, and now I have wrinkles and gray hairs and I’m still trying to get rid of those same last five pounds.

Unfortunately, parts of my life are even less certain than they were at age 24, but I’m hopeful that things will start to turn around for us. I hate to say they can’t get worse, because they can always get worse, but 2009 was quite a challenge.

While I don’t do resolutions, I do have some goals for the new year, the biggest having to do with my writing. I hope to start querying After the Fall in another month or two, and I’m determined to keep sending out my short stories until something sticks.

Personally, I’m determined to get out of Zihua. Ibis and I have been in Mexico for three years now, and we never imagined the process would take this long OR turn out the way it did. We have a lot ahead of us and I’ll share more details as we make decisions, but for now, just know that we’re trying.

As for my blog, I’ve decided to keep the three-day schedule I’ve adopted for the past month. (Yes this was planned. Do you feel tricked?) I often struggle to come up with content and I don’t want to bore you, so three days it is. I’m debating changing the look, but I feel like so many people read through Google Reader and other RSS feeds that I don’t know if it’s worth it.

What do you think?

Did you have a good new year?

*turns off microphone and zooms off in hovercraft*

It's Snowing!

I know everyone in the Midwest and on the east coast is probably sick to death of the snow, but it thrills me to see everything coated in a couple inches of the white stuff. Yes, I may change my mind when I'm driving to Kalamazoon later today, but for now it's so pretty!

The hockey game on Saturday was a lot of fun. Our seats were on center ice, and while we weren't exactly on the glass, we had an awesome view (well, we did when the tall guys in front of us went to buy beer).

The pie-baking and side-dish making for Christmas dinner went better than expected. I was most impressed with my ability to get everything on the table at the same time. Generally I'm very good with timing and never keep anyone waiting -- except for cooking. Inevitably the vegetable will be the first thing ready and we spend ten minutes waiting for the rice while the meat "sets" longer than it needs to.

I'm at my sister's right now and we're getting ready to run a couple errands (including Target!!!) then we'll camp on the couch watching movies until it's time for my middle-school get-together. Tomorrow morning I head back to Detroit for my final week of caring for my grandmother. Did I tell you I extended my stay until the 6th? Hopefully my house and my dog will still be standing when I get there.

I hope you had a good weekend and have a wonderful week.

I'm in the Huffington Post!

My aunt has an article in the Huffington Post called What's the Oldest Item in Your Refrigerator?

I am "the niece." I also took the picture.

I wasn't planning to tell my gramma that I took pictures, but I guess the cat's out of the bag. Now I'm off to the grocery store to restock her salad dressing and bbq sauce.

That's Not the Garbage

Whew! It's been a long couple days. (I should note I'm writing this Sunday evening and I'm a little loopy). After a roller-coaster of a week (ahem), my grandmother was released from the hospital on Sunday and is now back in her apartment. She's already refered to me as her cook and bottle washer several times, but she enjoyed the first meal I cooked for her so I don't think she'll ride me too hard. ;)

I saw my first snow in almost three years over the weekend and despite my baby-deer-like legs and uncooperative front-wheel-drive vehicle, I made it to all my destinations in one piece. And did I mention I now have a pre-paid cell phone? BIG WEEK.

One hurdle my grandmother and I have yet to comepletely overcome is figuring out how she'll get my attention in the middle of the night if she needs something. For the past ten weeks she's had a button within arm's reach that brings nurses and aides running (in theory anyway) and no matter how nicely she smiled, they wouldn't let her take one home (the button, not the aide, although that could be helpful).

Our solution? A little brass bell.

We're not sure if it'll be loud enough though. While I'm not a deep sleeper, I have learned to sleep through a lot of odd noises and a gentle tinkling in the next room (the bell... the bell...) may not be enough to rouse me. Plus, as you may recall (I can't track down the post, I'm sorry), there are a lot of bells in our neighborhood in the morning -- specifically, the trash collectors -- and I've trained myself to block them out. Hopefully the fancy bell will break through my defenses.

All Packed & Ready to Go!

By 8pm this evening I should* be eating Thai food and doing my best to keep my skin from flaking off. Small sacrifices for a couple weeks at home.


In addition to all the exciting things I mentioned earlier this week, there's a chance I'll get to see several of my friends from MIDDLE school. As in 1990.

Wow!

I should have regular internet access starting Monday, but I plan to cut back my posts to 2-3 times per week. I'll know better once I'm at my grandmother's and settled in. I finished the second draft of After the Fall Wednesday night and word on the street is two of my beta readers have already started reading.

Go beta readers!

Sorry, I'm a little excited. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and as for those certain writer friends, I'll see YOU tomorrow!



*Assuming the blizzard takes a breather and allows my plane to land. Cross your fingers people!

Tuesday Stuff and Things

I've got a lot swirling in my head right now because I'm really excited to go home this weekend and nothing coherent is forming for a post so... I'll give you a peek inside my head.

I won't actually go to my HOME until after Christmas, but just being near my friends & family is enough. In addition to the trip itself, the following things keep distracting me from doing anything productive:

- When I arrive on Friday I will finally get to cuddle with my netbook. Squee! I've started taking notes for my new novel and I plan to work on the outline while traveling on Friday. During reading breaks, of course (Middlesex -- loving it).

- On Saturday I'm getting together with six of my writing friends for the very first time. If the conversations over the past couple days are any indication, I may never be the same.

- On Monday I'm taking the train from Chicago to Detroit and my plan is to start writing then. I'll have roughly five hours of uninterrupted ME time (assuming no one interesting sits near me) and the idea of writing on a train while traveling across three states in the snow sounds so magical. Yes, I realize something will likely derail (*snort*) this plan, but I can dream.

- Sometime next week my grandmother will be released home (or into the wild, as I've been joking) and I get her all to myself.


And that's just five minutes worth of swirling. Aside from the general holiday hoopla, do you have anything exciting that you're looking forward to?

White Christmas

*stretches*

Whew! That was a relaxing break. Did you have a nice holiday? Anything new and exciting to share? A lot has happened in the past week but rather than tell you everything in one post, I'm going to string you along.

The most exciting news is I'm heading home for the holidays!

If you recall, my grandmother had spinal surgery in October, and she's been in and out of the hospital and rehab facility/nursing home ever since. She is healing but will need assistance her first couple weeks back in her apartment, and that's where I come in. My wonderful mother offered to fly me home to play nursemaid/grocery shopper/Christmas-tree decorator/game aficionado for her first couple weeks at home.

My mom and aunt have shouldered the bulk of the responsibility, so my being there will relieve them for a bit and allow them to catch up on two month's worth of work/cleaning/family obligations. I'll fly into Chicago December 11th and because of a trip my parents' already had planned, I won't actually see them until midway through my visit, but I will get to see my aunt and lots of cousins.

Even more exciting, several of my friends from Absolute Write have a get-together planned the same weekend I arrive in Chicago, so I'll get to meet several of my friends! One is staying with me so we'll really get to know each other. ;)

I won't return to Zihua until December 29th and I'm a little concerned about leaving my boys for so long, especially now that Ibis is working again. Owen is used to me being here 24/7 and while Ibis understands that I'm just going for a visit, Owen doesn't seem to understand what I'm telling him. I am leaving the house more often so he sort of gets used to being without me, but there's only so much preparing we can do. Our neighbor has offered to look in on him midway through Ibis' workday, so hopefully that will help.

Now please excuse me while I dig out my sweaters and mittens. :)

*sigh*

I tried to write a post for today, I really did, but I have too many other things on my mind. Instead, can I just ask that you'll please think positive thoughts for one of my family members? It's been a stressful week for several of them (including three separate car accidents), but one in particular has me worried.

Thanks.

And Just Like That...

When will I learn? Every time I complain to you all that I can't seem to get the words out, it's like I tripped a switch and they come gushing out. Yesterday wasn't exactly waterworks, but a steady stream flowed and I wrote 1000+ words in a couple hours. That's leaps and bounds above what I've been doing.

And just in time. We got a call yesterday that my sister-in-law (the mother of the 4yo nephew) had her baby on Monday, so today we're driving back to Lazaro to see her. Over the weekend she told us she was due in mid-November, but now we're also told she wasn't premature, so I'm thinking my SIL wasn't too clear on the details. I'm also curious about the name since as of Sunday she said she hadn't even thought about names.

(Side note: How is that even possible?)

Her son has the same name as my brother, so we're thinking about bribing her to name the new baby after my sister. My mom has a pair of cousins with the same names, and I think it'd be fun to carry on the tradition!

See you tomorrow!

A Glimpse at the Future

A lot of my writing friends have children but not all of them make time for their writing in the same ways. Some religiously write while their kids are at school, others get up early or stay up late (either way they sacrifice sleep), and those with small children squeeze it in wherever they can.

I've often wondered what kind of writer/parent I'll be, and this weekend I got a preview. We picked up our nephew Friday afternoon and Saturday I was determined to work on my latest chapter, so I opened my document and wrote a sentence here and there. I stayed close enough to it that I'd think about the next line while supervising my nephew while he played with Owen, then sit back down and write another paragraph.

It's certainly not the fastest method in the world, but I was happy to discover that I can be productive this way. I've gotten so spoiled with my non-existent schedule that I've wondered how I'll function when I go back to the real world.

I also figured out another trick: knock them all out.

I Suppose I'll Miss This, Too...

I leave today for a two-week trip home and while I don't want to bad-mouth Mexico, I really need this break. I will miss Ibis -- and now Owen *sniff* -- but I can't wait to see my friends and family, and meet some new friends, too!


See you September 10th. :)

Also, happy third anniversary to my honey!

A Week Early, Sort Of

In light of the fact that I'm leaving for the states next Wednesday and that also happens to be our third wedding anniversary, we're celebrating today.

Technically today IS our anniversary. We had a civil ceremony a week before the church wedding and reception, but decided to celebrate on the 26th. Ironically, five months after we were married we started the process for his US visa and we have to use the LEGAL wedding date for all things immigration-related. So we end up recognizing both days.

I say we just have a week-long celebration. :)

I'm still not sure what we're doing -- there was talk of paying to hang out at a hotel pool for the afternoon (it includes drinks & food) but we might just go to dinner. I'm worried about leaving Owen by himself for the entire day when he's just figuring out the house-training thing.

By the way, what's the third anniversary "thing"? Wood? Paper? Chalk?

Squeaky Wheel Strikes Again

While I try not to be negative on the blog, many of you know how much I hate being here and cannot wait until we leave. I swear I try to look at the positives -- beaches, no snow, beautiful views right outside our bedroom -- but it occasionally catches up with me and I become rather unbearable. Or so Ibis says.

Yesterday he must have reached his limit because he went online, found me a flight home for $300 (including tax!), I called my parents to make sure they'll be in town, and I booked it! I told my parents I'd fly in August 27, but when I went to buy the tickets I realized it was the same price if I left a day earlier, and hey, why not? It was only when I told Ibis the dates that I realized the 26th is our wedding anniversary. Oops.

I'll be in Chicago through that first weekend, all over Michigan during the week, then I'll spend Labor Day weekend with my sister and her family at their cabin "up north." I've already been informed that I'll have to show them how to get three people into their four-person hammock -- something was apparently lost in the translation. I fly back September 9th.

Since I leave in three weeks and I have roughly 20 chapters to edit in After the Fall, my goal is to get through this draft before I leave. I'm feeling more motivated now that I have something to look forward to, so fingers crossed I'll get through it.

The only negative to my leaving (aside from missing my honey) is we'll only have had our new puppy for two weeks. Ibis is excited to have him all to himself but I, of course, am worried about him training the little guy all on his own. Ibis is not concerned. I believe his exact words were, "He's going to love me and he won't even know who you are." Which prompted a discussion about me bringing the puppy along with me. :)

A Moment of Silence

We've all experienced loss. It affects everyone differently but no matter who you are, it has affected you. Depending on how devastating that loss is, you walk away from the experience a changed person, and it becomes a part of you.

You may learn to live with it, but you never forget.

In the comments of Wednesday's post, where I asked what you would like to know about me, JLC suggested I write a poem.

I'm out of practice, so bear with me.



Loss

The longing sneaks up on me.
An ache in the hollow of my chest
that cannot be filled.

Burning with regret,
Could I have done something different?

The pain is as fresh as the day it first arrived.
Anguish pricks at my senses
as the memories roll through my mind.

Wondering what went wrong
leads to endless games of what-if,
yet the outcome never changes.

So I push it to the corners of my memory,
and lock it tightly in its box,
only pulling it out on special occasions.

Still wishing it would have ended differently,
but accepting that the grief is all I have left.

I Also Paid the Phone Bill

Friday was a big day. Not only was I feeling better, but I found pickles!


(please spare me the pregnancy jokes -- I'm not)

This may seem a little ridiculous but I adore dill pickles and the only time I've had them since January 2007 is the dozen times I've ordered a cheeseburger from the Captain's Daughter. I wasn't completely certain they were dill until I got home and tried one (let's not get into why there's a pig on the label) and now that I know they are, I might go back and stock up.

As if that wasn't enough, around 5pm I received a cryptic (meaning, in Spanish) phone call from a woman looking for Ibis. I listened to her ramble, until I heard the word "caja" (box).

"Sí! Sí! Es por mi!" I exclaimed.

She was down the street but couldn't find our condos, so I got her pointed in the right direction (towards the transvestites) and ran downstairs to meet her. It was originally supposed to arrive on Tuesday, but this being Mexico and all... it didn't. 5pm on Friday still counts, right?

Lookie!


(I apologize if you don't care what's in my care package. I'm very excited.)

- The t-shirt is from the Champions League Final (fútbol) that coincided with my parents' trip to Rome in May.

- The NKOTB lunchbox is the surprise from Sara, along with the chocolate (that I'm hiding from Ibis -- he doesn't read this so he won't know) and Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper.

- Erica Orloff's Freudian Slip that I won several months ago has finally gotten here and I cannot WAIT to read it (my mother said I'll love it).

- Two more Evanovich books (thanks again Spy)

- You can never have too many magazines, but I do think it's ironic that the cover model for this month's Self magazine is none other than Ms. Jillian Michaels, the bane of my existence.

- Hair thingies. If I'm at home, I'm sitting in front of a fan and ever since I cut layers I've had wispies in my eyes. Hopefully these will remedy that. They do have these in Mexico, but only in flourescent colors and/or with sparkly things on them. No.

- AND my very first check for my writing, already framed courtesy of my parents. :)

Sadly, the cookies from Sara didn't make the cut. (Neither did the eyeshadow from my mom, but there wasn't even any evidence of that.)


Thanks Mom & Gary! Thanks Erica! And thank you Sara!