Perspective

I was sorting through old emails and came across one from last Christmas (yes, it's been awhile) that struck me as worth sharing. The bulk of the email talked about carrying burdens and how the longer we hold on to our stressors, the heavier they become. I won't bore you with all that since you probably already realize how true it is. Instead I'll share the list of how to combat the stress.

Consider it a pick-me-up for the weekend. :)


1) Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

2) Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3) Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4) Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5) If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7) It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8) Never buy a car you can't push.

9) Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10) Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11) Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12) The second mouse gets the cheese.

13) When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14) Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15) You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16) Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

17) We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18) A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Four Years!

Today is our four year anniversary! Not for marriage, we're still approaching the two year mark for that, but it was four years ago today that Ibis and I went on our first date.

*swoon*

I never could've imagined where this relationship has taken me. Physically, emotionally, spiritually... I've changed so much since that Friday night in 2004. I know how to fight in a relationship and not come out swinging. I've learned it's okay to be really pissed off at someone you love and that telling them WHY you're mad often helps make things better. I've also learned that loving someone can make you do things you never in a million years dreamed you'd do. (Hello... walking out of a good job to live in another country without running water and where no one speaks your language.)

This day really isn't that momentous. We have nothing special planned, no fancy dinner but there is a little wine left, so maybe we'll finish that off. I do feel that our lives are still changing, moving forward, and I'm both excited and nervous for what's to come. Will we EVER get back to the US? Will we start making more money? We I master this language they call Spanish? Stay tuned.

Maybe I should look into writing for the telenovelas...

Close Encounter With an Angry Mexican

So I was driving along this morning, minding my own business and doing my best to navigate the crazy streets here. Ibis had forgotten his lunch so I was bringing my beloved his chopped fruit before he starved.

As I approached the traffic circle you need to go through to get to his street, a car insisted on driving in my blind spot. Mind you, there wasn't room for him to be there and I was already in that lane, but he apparently wanted to be there more. I sped up to get in front of him but he stayed right next to me. Then I slowed down to let him past but same thing. Frustrated I stopped in the middle of the road and honked my horn so he'd pass me. He did and I merged behind him so I could make my turn.

Well, this is Mexico so of course it's not that easy. He stopped at the tope (speed bump) before entering the traffic circle and I pulled to a stop behind him. I waited for him to pull forward but instead he backed up until he was nearly on my bumper. THEN he got out of the car and came at me, waving his arms over his head.

WTF!

I checked my rearview mirror, saw that it was clear, and threw it into reverse. He was still walking towards me so I zipped around him and floored it to the hotel. I kept looking to see if he followed me but there was nothing but cabs.

I told Ibis what happened as soon as I entered the hotel and he grabbed a machete (yes, a machete) and ran out to the car. No one was there, thank god.

We've lived to see another day.

How Mexico Has Changed Me - Part 2

I thought I should do a follow-up to my post the other day about ways that I've changed since moving here. While those things are all true, they make it look like my life is all palm trees and piña coladas. So here's the flip side.

I've Become a Rude Pedestrian
I'm generalizing here, but a lot of the locals here don't pay any attention to other people when walking on the sidewalk or down the middle of the street. There are also people who purposely put themselves in the way, actually take a step to the side so they are in your path and you are forced to get out of their way. After months of this happening (especially the young men & woman who try to nudge me off the sidewalk) I decided to fight back. I hold my ground while walking and make other people get out of my way. If people refuse to move (usually teenage girls) I make sure to say something. This may not sound like anything groundbreaking, but I try hard to be polite and I feel bad I've stooped to their level. I do get around much faster though.

My Body Has Weird Scars
I have a big one on my thigh that appeared overnight last spring, as well as a couple smaller ones near my knee. We think it may have been a jellyfish (long story) so that's the story I tell people. Recently a strange mark the size of a silver dollar has appeared on my side. It doesn't hurt but it's noticeable. I always have random bug bites, especially around my ankles, but there's a clump in the middle of my back that won't go away. Oh, and my toenail is still missing.

My Social Life is Nearly Non-Existent
I've always had a busy social life, whether going out to restaurants or dancing at night or playing sports during the day. Here we didn't make our first friends until November and I didn't find my first girlfriend until two months ago. I spent months and months sitting in front of the computer, reading, and watching movies. All pastimes I enjoy but I would have much rather been out having fun. Ibis and I would do things every now and then but we weren't earning any income at that time and it's tough to spend money on anything but necessities when you're in that situation. Now I've been going out a lot more and he thinks I'm trying to make up for lost time. Even so, I spend more days at home than I do out and about.

I No Longer Flinch at the Sound of Gunshots
Don't get me wrong, I still react, but now when I hear a gun fire in the neighborhood I merely turn my head to make sure nothing came through the window. Their frequency has lessened since the holidays passed, but around Christmas and New Years we heard at least 20 to 30 shots per day. New Years Eve I think each person with a gun personally fired that many. We just stay away from the windows and go about our business.

I No Longer Cry When I Hear a Dog Being Beaten
Sadly, this is another common occurrence. I do flinch when I hear the sudden cries of an animal but it no longer disrupts my day. I pause for several minutes and wish I could do something, but really, there's nothing to do. Animals are not viewed as they are in the US. The streets are filled with strays and kids learn early that it's ok to take a swing (or kick) at four-legged creatures.

Back on Track

My funk has finally lifted and I'm feeling much better. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my parents' arrival tomorrow, but I've also taken a big step with my book. Big step for me, anyways. I've been stuck on what to do with a couple chapters because everyone says you shouldn't have too much backstory, but how do you determine what's essential and what's not when you're writing about yourself? To me it ALL seems like backstory.

As I've debated this over the past couple weeks I've also been freaking out because a newer friend has offered to critique my book. I don't know him well but from what I've heard he does a wonderful - and fair - job so I was very excited that he agreed to help. Oh yeah, and he's a HE. Eek! I know I need to get over any insecurities I have about what I've written, but it's different when it's a novel. This is ME! And now he's really going to get to know me.

My plan was to send him my manuscript when my parents arrived so I wouldn't be tempted to work on it while he has it. Another reader still has it, too, and I don't want to make a lot of changes while they're helping me. So, now that I've sent it off I feel an incredible amount of relief. I can stop editing and move on to the next thing.

I mentioned several weeks ago that I came up with an idea for my next book and while it's been bouncing around in my head I've struggled to actually get anything down on paper. I wrote an opening scene when the idea first came to me but beyond that I've been stuck. Well wouldn't you know it but the minute I clicked send and wiped the sweat from my back, the ideas started flowing. I wrote nearly 1000 words within minutes of sending the email.

I've marveled at other writers who say the story just streams out of them, that it writes itself and they are merely the mechanism bringing it to life. I felt a little of that while writing my memoir but since I was writing about things that have happened to me it didn't really seem very mysterious that the ideas came from me. Right? Well last night I got it. Characters plucked themselves out of thin air, dialogue formed before I realized it and I even managed to describe the setting. Hmm.

At the moment I've only written by hand and I think I might stick with that for now. My keyboard is losing its fight with the humidity and I spend as much time backspacing as I do typing, plus my friend gave me an awesome journal for Christmas that's just begging to be filled with a new story.

My Husband is Blind!

*snicker*

Not really, but he wishes he were. He's been working at his new job for a couple weeks now and likes the change of pace a smaller hotel brings. There are only eight rooms and many of the guests stay for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Since there's only so much the guests need from him on a given day he has a lot of free time.

He's befriended several guests and at the moment we have two open-invitations to visit them when we get the chance. One couple lives in Vancouver and we're considering taking them up on their offer.

That couple checked out yesterday and a new couple checked in. A middle-aged, business-class type couple, possibly Middle Eastern but Spanish speaking, and a little heavy around the middle. Ibis hauled their bags down the 200-foot long flight of stairs and helped them settle in. You know, showing how the AC and TV works, all those little things.

With them happily tucked into their bungalow he returned to the office until it started to get dark. Among his responsibilities are turning on the lights along the staircase and closing the door to the beach (teenagers like to sneak in at night). A movement caught his eye as he passed the new couple's room. The door was wide open and the man was sitting on a stool in the doorway wearing nothing but his underwear.

"Oh my god, really?" I exclaimed as he recounted this story last night.

"That's not the worst," he continued.

The man was sitting on the bench and his wife was straddling his leg, grinding against him and kissing him. Okay, kind of gross you say, but she was also only wearing underwear! Little teeny scraps of cloth that left nothing to my impressionable husband's imagination. He reenacted it for me and now I have that image burned in my mind, too.

They didn't see him - he didn't stick around any longer than necessary - and he planned to warn the cleaning woman to keep her eyes to the ground when she's near their room.

Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love

I've been puzzling over the best way to describe the theme of my book. Two people are reading my draft and one said it would be helpful if while reading, she knew what it is I'm trying to say. To know what bigger picture I'm trying to portray. Initially I said it was a fish-out-of-water tale with an illegal immigration twist but, as I hear happens quite often, the story has taken on a life of its own. I'm discovering that it's really about Ibis and me, and the journeys we take together.

Without being too melodramatic, it's about love. Not romance-novel love, with erotica on every other page (goodness, no) but about two people who find each other and the extremes they go to for their relationship. Which brings me to the title of this post. It's the theme of one of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge, and without realizing it I've incorporated those ideas into my story.

Early in the movie Christian's friends ask him to write the play that becomes the basis for the movie, and they want to make sure he's the right man for the job.

"Do you believe in love?" they ask.

"Love? Above all things I believe in love. Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love."

I know it's cheesy but there's some Truth in that - hence the fourth word in the title.

Recently my motives for moving to Mexico, and Ibis' intentions for being with me, were called into question. I was told I'd be better off looking at this as my first marriage and returning to the States to pick up my old life. I was told my husband will never change and does not value me.

It's clear to me this person does not know me, or Ibis, very well. To presume that an anonymous email would persuade me to give up on our life together, to abandon my husband, is ridiculous. I'm sure many people look at my situation and wouldn't trade places with me if their lives depended on it. That's okay, because I know plenty of people with whom I wouldn't trade lives either. I chose Ibis and whatever comes along with him.

Honesty has always been very important to me. That's not to say I don't tell the occasional white lie, but on issues that matter I try to speak the truth. My relationship with Ibis is based on that. Writing this book has made that clearer to me - as I've reflected on our years together and tried to explain it in writing, truth and love are high on the list of why we're together. (There's also salsa dancing and a love of red wine, but it can't be all fluffy bunnies.)

For someone to not know that about me, to think that I've never stopped to evaluate my relationship and the choices I've made, places their opinion very low in my eyes. I'm angry that someone would choose this route to tell me something supposedly for my own good, I'm angry they said these things about us without knowing who we really are as people, and I'm angry that this email made me suspicious of my friends. I have faith that those close to me would have the courage to say something to me directly, so all I can determine is that this person has an ulterior motive.

In terms of my book, this email helped me solidify my theme. Truth and Love are the reasons I'm here. If I didn't love my husband and the possibilities for our future together, I never would have gotten married or packed up our apartment and driven to Mexico.

Freedom as a theme is so obvious I almost don't feel I need to explain it. The movie meant it in terms of the Children of the Revolution in 1899 Paris, but for us, it's about the freedom to go where we want without fear of our lives being ripped apart. If that means spending a few years in Mexico, so be it.

As for Beauty, I think my husband is beautiful, so there you go.

Happy Christmas Eve

It's that magical time of year when the locals trade in their pistols for bazookas to ring in the holidays. Good lord. I know Mexicans like to shoot guns to celebrate whatever blessed event it happens to be, whether it's Friday night or the birth of Christ, but I've nearly jumped out of my skin three times today and the sun hasn't even set.

I just sent out the obligatory Happy Holidays email and while I was sorting all my friends & family into easy-to-manage groups, I deleted all my friends who happen to come after the letter K. Fortunately hotmail has prepared for people who do these sorts of things and I was able to track down most everyone from past emails, but I think I'm still missing ten or fifteen people. If you are one of those people, please accept my apologies.

Ibis doesn't have a day off in sight, but at least he works days so we'll be able to celebrate both evenings. We're not exchanging gifts but I do have presents from my gramma we can open. I've been told Nochebuena is a bigger deal than Navidad, so we're planning to walk downtown and see what's happening in the plaza. The city shot of fireworks last night (which we watched from our condo) so I'm not sure what else they have in store.

I keep meaning to take a picture of the Christmas tree set up Rockafeller-Center style, but so far I've forgotten the camera every time we've been down there. Cross my fingers I remember tonight. I'm putting the camera on the table as we speak.

I hope this post finds you safe & warm. If not, let me know and I'll send some heat your way.

Life Goes On

To borrow the words of my husband, I'm feeling melancholic. No particular reason, just a lull in my mentality, I suppose. Could have something to do with Christmas being just around the corner and it looking like the middle of summer. Sure, there's Christmas decorations all over the place, but I'm a Midwest girl and I need cold and snow, or at least freezing rain, for it to truly feel like Christmas. Having my family around would be nice, too. :)

Ibis started his waiters' captain job today so I'll hear all about that tonight. Meanwhile, the other captain in my life is in Trinidad for his latest job. Oh, the places he goes...

My search for a job turned out to be more short-lived than I expected. I was offered a job at a new place, met with her friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend in immigration, thought everything would happen quickly, then went to Immigration and was told they don't give visas for servers. It makes sense - they don't want to give jobs to foreigners that locals can do (sound familiar?) so that's out. I wasn't going to make much money so I'm not crushed, but it would've been nice to get out of the house a little more often.

So, anyone with design needs - let me know! I give you a special discount because you are special friend! (That's supposed to sound like a Mexican vendor talking to the tourists - use your imagination.)

One strange thing this week - we witnessed a wake in our neighbor's backyard. The coffin was resting on two card tables beneath a tarp, with candles fanning around the area. The strange part was the deceased's picture was on the front page of the local paper. He apparently died in his hammock and the paper sent someone out to take his photo. Ibis said he noticed a group standing around a man in a hammock, so we think he saw when they discovered he was dead. Creepy.

In good news - a pigeon tried to poop on my this morning and missed by about 2 inches. The little things...